Does talking about money give you the ick? Whether it’s how much you earn, trying to split a restaurant bill, managing money with a partner or opening up about debt, many of us feel awkward and uncomfortable discussing financial stuff.

But, like Joanne in Netflix rom-com Nobody Wants This, it is possible to get over “the ick”. 

When it comes to money matters, you can wave good-bye to the ick and transform much-avoided cringy conversations into healthy, confident chats.

Why is it important to talk about money?

First, let’s run through why it’s important to talk about money. It can help you feel more in control about your finances, and even give them a boost. For example, chatting openly about money with friends may reveal a financial planning hack you’ve never heard of. And of course, getting over the ick factor and talking salary numbers with your boss could land you a pay rise.

It can also be good for your wellbeing – and your relationships. Caspian Paget, Coach Excellence Manager, at Octopus Money, says: “A staggering yet unsurprising 94% of people are worried about money. But what’s encouraging is that 9 out of 10 would also like to have someone to talk to about money. Families and couples that talk about money openly are likely to have healthier and more transparent communication and relationships. It can help with peace of mind and be really useful in planning for your family’s financial future.”

Money worries frequently top the list of reasons for why married couples split up. One in five said it was the biggest cause of marital strife, according to a poll by a legal firm. So, as Caspian puts it, “talking about money could literally save your marriage”.

Just like mental health, talking about money is the best first step to feeling less stressed and more in control.

How to get started talking about money

So, how do you actually get started? Like most things in life, the key to success is preparation. Think about where and when to have the chat, and write down your points before you start. What are you hoping to achieve with the conversation? Practice makes perfect, so practice beforehand to help you feel more comfortable. 

Ali Poulton, head coach at Octopus MoneyCoach, notes: “You can start a conversation with anyone just by asking them how they feel about money. Talking about money is a skill, and like all skills, the more you do it, the better you get at it.”

Here are some tips to help you get over the ick in three common scenarios:

Splitting the dinner bill – “Let’s split the bill”, says your friend. This can be really awkward. Perhaps someone didn’t drink or have a dessert, or someone’s being careful with money. Ali advises discussing how to handle the bill at the beginning of the meal. Will you be splitting it equally or paying separately? She adds: “If you’re not confident starting a conversation like this yourself, maybe you could talk to one of the other people going and they could be an advocate for a different way of splitting the bill.”

Managing money with a partner – You may totally dig your partner’s sense of humour and thoughtful gestures, but their attitude to saving and spending? Maybe not so much. Many couples have different financial goals and behaviours. Discussing money openly will help avoid arguments and tensions down the road. Topics include whether to split bills equally or proportionally based on income, whether to have a joint account, what sort of financial buffer you need if one of you lost your job, and lots more. Make it as easy as possible for your partner to get on board with the money chat. If they hate budgeting, do a simple budget, and show them there are still things they can enjoy. Try to avoid being judgemental and focus on the positives (such as saving a bit extra each month could pay for a romantic holiday to Tuscany next summer).

Budgeting for Christmas – Festive costs can quickly add up and leave people feeling stressed. This is an important time to be open about money and people’s expectations, so lay the groundwork with family and friends. Could you introduce a budget limit for Christmas presents? Can you reduce the number of presents, and do a Secret Santa arrangement? Perhaps set a budget for party food? And if all the festive get-togethers are making you anxious in terms of spiralling costs, why not suggest some alternatives? Offer to host – rather than go to a restaurant – and ask everyone to bring drinks and snacks to share. You could make some wintery cocktails and mocktails to make it feel special. Mistletoe martini, anyone?