Most of us would rather chat about almost anything than money. It sits in the same uncomfortable bucket as wills, break-ups or politics. Some of us would genuinely rather debate conspiracy theories than share with family what’s in our bank account. 

It’s therefore no wonder a quarter of people dodge money talks completely, worried it’ll only end in an argument. But sidestepping the subject doesn’t make the problems disappear. It just means families are left unprepared when life throws something big their way.

So how do you make money conversations less tense?  Here are some phrases to steer clear of, and kinder ways to put the same point across.

The family money conversation guide

❌Don’t say	✅Try instead	🔑Why it works
“We need to talk about your will.”	I’d love us all to feel clear about the future so there are no surprises.	Talking about wills feels heavy. Shifting it to “no surprises” makes it about care and clarity, not confrontation.
“You never tell me what’s going on.”	“It would help me feel more secure if we could share a bit more openly.”	Accusations shut people down. Sharing how you feel invites honesty without blame.
“I need to know what I’m getting.”	“It would be useful to plan ahead together, so I know what I should prepare for myself.”	Asking directly about “what you’ll get” can sound grabby. Focusing on planning shows you’re thinking about the bigger picture.
“You should handle this.”	“It would be great if we could all share responsibility and make decisions together.”	Money decisions often fall to one person. Sharing the load feels fairer and makes everyone more informed.
“I’ll just wait until it happens.”	“It would be useful to plan ahead together, so I know what I should prepare for myself.”	Waiting puts pressure on the future. Starting early gives you options and makes everything feel calmer.
“I’ll be fine once I inherit.”	“I’m building my own plan now, and inheritance will be a bonus if it comes.”	Relying only on inheritance is risky. Framing it as a bonus keeps you focused on what you can control.
“We can’t talk about money at family events.”	“Let’s set aside some time when we’re all relaxed to talk this through.”	Timing matters. Picking a calm moment means the conversation won’t feel rushed or stressful.
“You wouldn’t understand.”	“This might be new, but I’d love us to learn about it together.”	Shutting people out makes them feel small. Inviting them in makes it collaborative and less intimidating.
“It’s too late to change anything now.”	“It’s worth reviewing things together so we know where we stand.”	Even late conversations bring peace of mind. It’s about getting clarity, not perfection.
“It’s rude to talk about money.”	“Talking about money helps us avoid surprises and support each other.”	Nearly 40% of people feel money talk is impolite, but money chats aren’t rude: they’re a way of looking after each other. Reframing it this way takes away the stigma.

Why these conversations matter

Talking about money can feel awkward, but avoiding it usually makes things harder down the line. Shifting how you phrase things won’t solve everything, but it can take the edge off. It opens the door to clearer, kinder conversations, and that’s what really helps families feel on the same page.

Want some help starting the conversation or making a plan that works for you? 

Clearer money conversations start with the right guidance.

👉 Book a free Starter Session with a coach at Octopus Money.

Octopus Money is a trading name of Octopus Wealth Limited, which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority.