Separating from your partner is a significant life event. It’s not a decision that couples make lightly. Most people also have to decide how to split their money and property, and those with children need to consider how they’re going to parent their children and share ongoing responsibilities and costs.
Once someone has navigated the emotional journey of separation and is in a place where they’re ready to move forward, they often want to get through this process quickly, while causing their ex-partner and loved ones minimal stress and heartache.
For married couples and civil partners, there’s a legal process to end your marriage or dissolve the partnership and a separate one to end your financial relationship.
Here are the steps you’ll need to take to untie the knot amicably – emotionally, legally and financially.
The emotional process
Separation has a distinct emotional journey. This will look different for everyone. Factors such as whether you’re the initiator of the separation and why you’ve decided to separate will impact how quickly you move through each stage of this emotional journey.
At the beginning of the process you may be in denial and resist the idea of separation entirely. As time passes, you’ll become more open to exploring your options before finally committing to the process.
The initiator of the divorce is usually further ahead on this emotional journey, as they’ve had longer to process their emotions. Their partner may still be in a very different emotional place.
Give each other time, and don’t rush things. When your partner is still in shock or denial, they’ll find it impossible to make agreements, and any attempts may just slow things down.
The legal process
There are three stages to the divorce process in England and Wales. There’s an optional fourth stage to end your financial relationship and make your agreements legally binding. The process for divorce and dissolving a civil partnership is the same.
The first stage of the divorce process is to submit your divorce application. You can do this yourself via the government website, or amicable can do this for you. Once this is issued, there’s a mandatory 20-week reflection period.
After this time, you can apply for a conditional order. Once reviewed, your conditional order will be pronounced at court, which starts a 6-week waiting period.
You can then apply for a consent order. This is optional but is normally recommended if you have money and property to split. This document sets out your financial agreement and makes it legally binding.
The last step is making a final order application. Once this is received, you are legally divorced.
This might sound overwhelming right now, but there are lots of free online tools and resources to help you get started
Where to get help
How you decide to separate is key. Divorce can cause stress, take time and cost money – especially if you struggle to come to an agreement and have to go through the courts. But it doesn’t have to be this way. To avoid conflict and minimise the emotional and financial costs, choose to separate in a kinder way.
Here are some of your options if you need help navigating the divorce process.
amicable
amicable offers a neutral legal service to help couples manage separation. They can help you reach agreements about your finances and child arrangements post-separation. Unlike solicitors, they work with couples together to reduce conflict. Unlike mediation, they also handle all the necessary legal paperwork.
Mediation
Mediators also help couples agree on childcare or finances, but they won’t handle the legal aspects of your separation.
Solicitors
Solicitors manage the legal aspects of divorce, finances and child arrangements. This option is most relevant for those needing individual protection because of their circumstances, for example if domestic violence or hidden assets are involved.
Arbitration
Family arbitration involves appointing an impartial legal expert called an arbitrator to resolve disputes about finances or childcare during separation or divorce.
Court
Court should be a last resort, as it is typically the most expensive, stressful and time-consuming option. Costs can exceed £40k per person in London and £13k outside of London, with cases often taking two years or more to resolve.
Separating with children?
Those separating with children have another big reason to stay on good terms throughout their separation and beyond – while they may no longer live together, they remain parents, and this involves teamwork.
The way you divorce and decide to co-parent can have a lasting impact on the wellbeing of your children, which amicable explored in their new film.
So what can you do? In the UK, the ‘no order’ principle means that the court doesn’t like making arrangements for children. Most people draw up a co-parenting plan between themselves.
Assistance from a specialist like amicable or mediators can help if you’re struggling to come to agreements or you’re not sure if you’ve covered everything. Professionals can really help in the early stages of your co-parenting relationship, but it’s also useful if you experience challenges later down the line.
Get the support you need
Divorce and separation can feel confusing and isolating, but you’re not alone. Share your worries with those closest to you or listen to ‘The Divorce Podcast’ to hear others’ experiences. And don’t struggle in silence. Therapy and counselling services such as those offered by BetterHelp might help if you’re struggling to come to terms with your divorce.
For more information about how to navigate the legal, financial and emotional aspects of your divorce, book a free 30-minute advice call with amicable.
